Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie

About Dale Carnegie

Dale was active in the Carnegie Debating Club at the State Teachers College in Warrensburg. After graduation, he was a salesman in Nebraska and an actor in New York City. He said, his passion was for public speaking. He started teaching public speaking at the YMCA. The effect of these negotiations meant that he lectured the packed rooms. Based on this success, he decided to build his public speaking school. Carnegie's public speaking coaching school is still influential today. Warren Buffett has a diploma of Dale Carnegie's public speaking course that hangs in his office. Buffett is only one of a long list of successful people who give partial credit for their success to the author.

Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie


In 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People was published and became an instant bestseller, Dale Carnegie was already a well-known public speaking coach and author of five other books. Out of his 11 books, it has proved to be his most popular. It sold over five million copies throughout the life of the author and since then another ten million.

Carnegie researched the lives of greats from Julius Caesar to Thomas Edison. He drank Franklin. Influencers such as Roosevelt and Clark Gable were also interviewed. Based on these findings, he created a book that went on to become one of the best-selling books of all time. The book is based on a 14-week course he gave on human relations and public speaking.

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People.

Carnegie started the book by providing three basic techniques that you need to be able to handle people:

1: If you want to collect honey, do not kick on the beehive - it is basic human nature to reject criticism and justify one's actions. If you want to succeed, Carnegie advises being less defensive.

2: The Big Secret of Dealing with People - For basic human needs, fulfilling the desire to be important is the most challenging. If you can value this feeling for your partner, then you will find the key to dealing with people. Everyone knows something. Therefore, try to learn that thing in every conversation. By doing this, you will make the other person feel important.

3: Who can do this is the whole world with him. The one who can't walk a lonely path - When you go fishing, you don't cut the hook from the strawberries you want to snack on. You like to use fish: insects. Nevertheless, humans intervene to talk about what they want. Carnegie describes it as a complete waste of time and effort. As an alternative, you should always ask yourself what the other person wants. Present your arguments from their point of view.

Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You

Do it and you'll be welcome anywhere

The first way is that you can make people like you, by showing that you are interested in them. A simple application that the author suggests is to record and remember people's birthdays. People like to be remembered. People also praise and demand for help. So, if you need something from someone, tell them that they are the only person who can help you. When you ask, request what you want from them. Finally, do it as easy as possible.

The author tells many stories about people who were genuinely interested in the other person. Often, this interest was not remotely related to what they needed from them. This approach often gives you the person you need. If you can effectively show genuine interest, you will beat all the best selling techniques in the world.

A simple way to make a good first impression

A smile shows the other person that you like them and you are happy to see them. That said, a sincere smile is not any good to you, so, be grateful for what you have and present your smile. Happiness emanates from our internal situation, not from our external situation. We can control our inward position in the form of thoughts. Therefore, try to think positively about other people to improve the validity of your smile.

If you do not do this, then you are ready for trouble

Jim Farley was raised by a single mother in the late 19th century. When he was ten years old, he started working as a brickmaker and did not get much education. But, Farley ended up as the postmaster general of the United States, the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, and the man responsible for putting Rossevelt in the White House.

Farley's secret was that he could call 50,000 people by his first name. Every time he met someone, he would ask about the person's name, family size, occupation and political leanings. This allowed him to create mental images. Use and remember a person's name and they will like you.

Easy way to be a good conversationalist

Simply put, quickly what interests the other person. Encourage them to talk about themselves and make sure you don't get in the middle. Most people approach the conversation by trying to find a commonality. Sometimes you will struggle to find this common interest. Therefore, it is safe if you focus on the other person's greatest interest and only pay active and close attention. If you do this effectively, they will find you an excellent negotiator.

Effective negotiators are also capable of spreading heated conversations. You just have to listen to the other person until they have told their full story and are satisfied that they have expressed themselves. By that time, you should be able to solve the problem from their point of view. By adopting their approach, you will naturally be able to quickly solve the problem at hand.

How are people interested

When Teddy Roosevelt was scheduled to meet someone the next day, he would stay up late to read up on a subject the person was interested in, Carnegie would suggest spending your energy in finding the other person's passion. is. This does not mean that you should start a conversation with that subject. If you let the subject emerge naturally then you will be much more effective.

How to make people like you instantly

Whenever you meet someone, ask yourself, "What is it about them that I can honestly admire?" As stated earlier, everyone wants approval, recognition and a sense of importance. You will not take much time to deliver all those things.

Practice doing this with everyone you meet - the clerk at the post office as well as your business associates. Make it a habit and together with the other practices listed above, it will greatly improve your results and relationships.

Part Three: Twelve Ways to Win People Through Your Own Thinking

You can't win an argument

Even if you kill your opponent with your incredible intelligence and knowledge, they will leave the conversation, displeasing you. So, you somehow get lost. It is not worth your time to argue.

The author again highlights the impact of making people feel important. Some argue because they want to feel important. To counter this, you can accept their importance rather than argue. By doing this, their ego has room to breathe, and you may find that they are sympathetic to your cause.

A surefire way to make enemies - and how to avoid it

You should never waste your time trying to prove someone wrong. We are all influenced by our own cognitive biases. Mr. Carnegie suggests this script when you believe that another person is at fault:

"Okay, now, look! I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I am often. And if I am wrong, I want to be right. Check the facts "

If you are wrong, accept it

If you feel that you are wrong, then you should accept your mistake. Accept it quickly, openly and enthusiastically. When you condemn yourself, the only option for the other party to nurture your self-esteem is to defend you. Even when the interests of the other party are clearly contrary to your own, it is a powerful weapon to acknowledge your faults.

A newspaper reader once wrote to criticize Albert Hubbard's articles. Here is the response of the famous American writer: "Come to think of it, I don't think I fully agree with it myself. Whatever I wrote yesterday is not appealing to me today. I am glad to know that you What do you think about the subject. Next time you're in the neighborhood, you must meet us, and we will remove this subject for all time. So here is a handcuff on the mile, and I am yours, sincerely. .. "

High road because of a man's reason

If we respond angrily to anger, we will never convince the other party. Suppose we in turn respond to anger with friendship, sympathy, and admiration. In that case, we can turn the angry situation into productive. Former US President Woodrow Wilson put it this way:

"If you come at me with your fist, I think I can promise you that I will be as fast as you but if you come to me and say, 'Let's sit down and consult together Are, and, if we are different from each other, then understand why it is that we are different from each other, just what are the points at issue, 'we will presently we find that we are not so different from the points which are But we are different, and there are many points on which we agree, and if we only have patience and candor and desire to come together, we will get together. "

Secret of Socrates

Never start a conversation by addressing how your opinion differs from the other person's. Instead, start by emphasizing the points on which you agree. Keep reminding all parties that while you may differ in terms of preferred method, you are all striving for the same purpose. A skilled affected person of the people can identify that general purpose.

The result of this method is that the other party starts allowing you to give your opinion. The demand of a person to be "proud of his personality" is in harmony with himself. A "yes" or "no" is more than a word, it is a response. So, if you want to change the answer, you have to change the entire response. This can be an impossible task, so it is best to get things on track before you start. Get the other person saying "yes," immediately.

Safety valve in handling complaints - let people talk

When someone has a complaint, let them talk to themselves. When you go for an interview, do not talk about yourself. Ask the interviewer about their early years and talk to them about themselves. Carnegie said that the famous French moralist, La Rochefoulcad, once said, "If you want enemies, take out your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you." Talking about you will not win any friends. Let the other person talk most of the time.

How to get cooperation

You should never have any need to claim credit for an idea. Allow the other party to claim the idea as their own and you will have a much easier time. Their cooperation will be more likely. When you need something, you should not talk about what you need. Present the other person with the available information and ask them to tell you.

A formula that will work wonders for you

There is always a reason why a person thinks and acts the way they do. Leave behind the mindset of deciding a person to be right or wrong and instead look for that reason. Then you will have the key to their actions and even their personality.

The author asks that if you do not take anything else from this book, you start practicing honestly to understand other people's perspectives. Understanding why they have an opinion rather than just an opinion.

What Everyone wants

If you have your nature, atmosphere and experience, then you will have a similar attitude in conversation. Although we can argue the role of personal choice versus environmental forces, it is important to acknowledge the validity of the other person's feelings and thoughts. Declare them appropriate given their circumstances.

An appeal that everyone likes

J.P. Morgan, one of the most powerful bankers of all time, once asserted that people usually have two reasons for anything: one that feels good and one that feels real. Appeal to the good wrestlers of the people by providing that good cause. Speak and act in such a way that the best of them is captured.

The Movies Do It. The radio does it. Why don't you do it?

It is not enough to tell the truth. The truth should be made vivid, interesting and dramatic. A performance is far more striking and memorable than words. Instead of telling people your thoughts, show them.

When nothing works, try it.

The famous investor, Charles Schwab, was once a mill manager whose workers were not meeting their production quotas. The mill manager tried everything without success. Schwab simply asked how hot the mill's day shift had become and wrote the number in chalk on the mill floor.

When the night shift arrived, the new staff asked what the number meant. Knowing the reason, the team went on to do more than manage the innings of the day and wrote the number on the floor. Not wanting to show up, the day shift came back with even more. This process continued until the mill at the plant became the most productive.

The principle here is not to set people against each other. Issue a challenge to excel. One of the most powerful motivators is the chance to prove the love and self-worth of the game. Therefore, start some competition when you need to inspire others.

Part four: ways to change nine people without guilt or resentment

If you must find fault, this is the way to big

Before you point out a mistake in another person's action, start sincere appreciation for the good they have done. After doing this, you can point your mistake and volunteers to the other person to fix it.

How to criticize it - and don't hate it

The author presents an example to show the best way to criticize without hating. When John Wanmaker, president of VanMaker's department store, was on his daily outing through the flagship store, he noticed a customer waiting at the counter. The employees of the store stood at the other end of the counter talking and laughing among themselves. The vanmaker slipped behind the counter, served the customer himself, and handed the package to the staff to continue on their way. Without saying a word, he had clearly told the employees what was expected of them.

When you should criticize, try to find a way to do it indirectly.

Talk about your own mistakes first

When other people talk about their faults, it is very easy to criticize. When you need to criticize directly, first mention how you have made similar mistakes or have deficiencies in other areas.

No one likes to take orders

By asking questions instead of giving direct orders, you save people's pride and understand their importance.

Let another man save his face

General Electric once had to replace the head of one of its departments - a talented figure in electricity, who turned out to be the head of the department. General Electric gave him the new title of Consulting Engineer of General Electric Company instead of demoting him.

We usually do not take the time to think about helping others save face. It usually does not take much effort and has a lasting effect.

How to inspire men for success

You will get better results by praising people for any minor improvements or small items, by criticizing them when they come up short.

Give the dog a good name

The truth of human nature is that people will be forced to live up to whatever reputation you hold them responsible for. Tell someone you think they are honest, hardworking or any other type of virtue. They will usually live on top of it - even if their previous works have indicated.

Make it easy to correct the defect seam

The author recounts how he once refused to play a game of bridge with a friend, stating that the game was too complicated for him. His friend replied, "Why, Dale, it's not a trick. There's nothing to the bridge except memory and judgment. You once wrote a chapter on memory. It's up your street."

By letting people know that a goal is easily within their goal or that some mistake can be corrected with only a minor adjustment, you will give them the confidence to reach the goal or fix the mistake.

Make people happy to do what you want

The key to making people happy to do what you want, however, is to make them feel important. Recognize them as the best person to handle a case for a job or right, and they will accept the role assigned to you.

When Napoleon Bonaparte created the Legion of Honor, he gave 1,500 crosses to his troops. He named 18 of his generals "Marshals of France" and named the soldiers "Grand Army". When he was criticized for giving "toys", he replied, "Men are governed by toys."

Part five: letters that produce miraculous results

The author writes about an oddity of human nature that can increase your effectiveness in achieving the things you ask for. Here are some phrases of letters used by Carnegie as an example:

 "I wonder if you help me out of some difficulty?" Instead of starting by asking to help, "Please do the work I want you to do," start.

• "Naturally, I must come to you to help answer ..." If this sounds like a general message that you are sending to many people, a request for help will not be compelling. The other person needs to feel that you really and especially need their help to solve your problem.

• "Thank you for your kindness in giving me this information." Submit your request as a requirement of mercy. This means that it would be ruthless to ignore your request and appeal to the person's better nature. There is a part of human nature that is rude to help others, so tap into that hype, thanking them in advance for their goodwill.

Final summary

Carnegie advocates an approach to human relations that is analytical and proactive, a step beyond the needs of citizenship by thinking about the other person in advance. It sounds simple because it is. Effective relationships simply come from having the ability to put other people first. Reminders and Insights of this book explain how to do this practically in everyday life, which has distinguished it as one of the most useful relationship books ever written.

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